News
Opinion
Features
A&E
Sports
The Back Page
Contact Us
Archives
| Rain forces sports editor to take drastic measures, decides to create new rain-oriented games Commentary By MICHAEL HEDGES Sports Editor
One tennis match has already been rescheduled, and should be taking place, along with a softball and baseball game, as the kind readers of the Georgetonian peruse this issue. Hypothetically, the clouds will have cleared and the sun will be shining with all its might by the time anyone reads this. But the good people at our local NBC affiliate seem to think that the heart of the bluegrass will remain damp a bit longer. Clear skies would certainly make my life quite a bit easier. You see, my dear friends, it’s hard to cover sports for a weekly paper when the only pictures to be taken and stories to be written are about mud in the fields and puddles on the courts. As I look out my window at the cold drizzle, a sense of irony dampens my soul: only a flood could cause a drought. I mean as in a drought of sports stories, so to speak. It’s raining home runs in San Francisco; Barry Bonds just tied Willy Mays’ career home run record at 660. Bonds could conceivably surpass Hank Aaron’s record of 755 home runs within the next two years. Just to our north the sun shines on the Cincinnati Reds, who are off to one of their best starts since well before my days as an editor. Then there is the NBA. Shaq and Kobe are scoffing at the rain while they bicker their way into the play-offs. Carmelo Anthony and his Denver Nuggets made the cut. The NHL has found a creative solution to the rain problem: they freeze the water, then enclose it and skate on it. Brilliant! But while ESPN lets me know that the sports world continues, the view outside my window lets me know that the Georgetown sports world has been put on hold. I feel it’s my duty as a diligent sports editor to offer up some kind of solution to the rain dilemma. My first attempt was a rain dance behind the maintenance building in the quad (I only dance for faculty or staff). Then a janitor pointed out to me that a rain dance is done to bring rain, not to make it go away. Disheartened, I almost gave up. But then I realized I could do a “sun streak” through the quad. I’d heard that people often do this at night in an effort to make sure the sun would rise. I must have done something wrong because it just started raining harder and I got really, really cold. I then channeled all my intellectual ability towards a more practical solution. I realized that people build structures to shelter them from the elements. The tennis courts and baseball and softball fields need to be sheltered from the element of the rain. Therefore, the college should build a giant dome around east campus. Think how much Marvin Lewis and the Bengals would love coming to Georgetown if they practiced in a climate-controlled indoor stadium. Unfortunately, after a terse discussion with the authorities that be, I learned that a dome large enough to cover east campus would a) take years to construction (meaning I wouldn’t be around to reap the benefits) and b) was economically unfeasible (meaning I would complain about tuition costs). It was time for Plan C. Plan C calls for a committee to be formed to lead an investigation into competitive sports that can be played in the rain. To speed along the process, I will pose several possibilities. Ultimate Water Collecting: this unique sport requires individual competitors to strap a bucket onto their heads and run around the quad three times. Points are given for the fastest runner and the person who collects the most rain in their bucket. The competitor with the highest collective point total is the winner. Mud Wrestling: this sport is fun and spectator friendly. Instead of playing an actual match or game, Georgetown’s athletic teams could just get into an old-fashioned fight with their opponents. The last man or woman standing wins for their respective team. Dry Wars: taking a cue from AGS’ successful Water Wars, this sport requires participants to seek out their targets with portable hair dryers. Whoever dries first is eliminated. Additionally, the college swim club can move their practices to the sidewalk in front of Pierce Hall. There’s an Olympic sized pool there that is just begging for swimmers to do laps. Or perhaps the weather will clear. As Georgetown’s teams head into the homestretch of the regular season and look to conference tournaments, I sure hope it does. But mud wrestling is very intriguing.... |
||
|
The Georgetonian is a student publication and does not necessarily reflect the views of Georgetown College. Copyright © The Georgetonian Send comments to Michael Puglisi, Editor in Chief Site designed by Doug Hardin and maintained by Chris Hammons. | ||
